


ode to freedom, final act

by osakaspeach



Category: Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 22:03:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20749463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osakaspeach/pseuds/osakaspeach
Summary: “Ugetsu, I’m getting married.”With just four words from Akihiko’s mouth, Ugetsu felt his whole world violently screeched to a halt.





	ode to freedom, final act

**Author's Note:**

> me: posts two soft and fluffy given fics about shizuragi and uekitaya  
also me: here's some akigetsu angst to counter all those fluff lmao
> 
> akigetsu just makes me really sad idk my heart hurts so much for them, especially ugetsu he makes me want to cry everytime. 
> 
> anw, i hope y'all like this (and cry with me lmao)  
hello to gie and aru by the way, this one's for the two of you.
> 
> ALSO!!! please listen to spiegel im spiegel by arvo part while reading this for maximum heartbreaking experience. that was also the piece that ugetsu played in this fic ehe.   
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7zHd9LxIZB8WKosSWN9Umj  
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJ6Mzvh3XCc

Ugetsu took a sip from his cup of mocha latte, his eyes following the movement of the crowd as he people-watched idly through the window of the cafe where he was currently in.

Then he checked his watch, ten more minutes before the time that he and Akihiko agreed to meet.

Ugetsu let out a sigh.

Akihiko texted him the other day just as his flight from Prague landed in Tokyo. They never texted regularly, just the usual “how are you” and “congratulations, i heard you won,” and then Ugetsu would leave him on read after thanking him and refuse to reply and make their conversation longer than it should be.

His friend-slash-ex-boyfriend asked to meet in the cafe by their old university, and despite the confusion, Ugetsu agreed. Out of curiosity, of course, because there was a hint of excitement laced in Akihiko’s single text message.

When Akihiko showed up, dressed in dark denim jeans paired with a casual denim jacket, his piercings still decorating his now much more mature face, Ugetsu tried to regulate his breathing and appear calm as the man sat in front of him with a large grin on his face, the same kind of boyish grin he usually shows back in their younger days.

How Ugetsu missed the sight of it so much.

“Hello, Aki.” Ugetsu greeted in his usual light and airy tone, smiling a bit towards his friend.

“Hey. How was Prague?” Akihiko asked as he flagged down a waiter to order his cup of coffee. And then Ugetsu talked about his trip while Akihiko listened intently, about the places he visited, the people he met, the culture, the contest and the music. Especially the music.

“Congratulations, by the way. First place again, huh.” Akihiko grinned at him, and it really felt like high school and college once again, when Akihiko would welcome him home every time and ask about his trip, when Akihiko would get up earlier and prepare his breakfast, the smell of coffee and bacon wafting through the air enough to rouse him from his sleep, when Akihiko was still—

“Thank you. Why did you call me here? What could you possibly want to say that you can’t tell me over the phone?” Ugetsu asked, deciding cut straight to the chase. Akihiko didn’t ask to meet with him just to ask him about his trip to Prague.

Akihiko’s mouth split into a wide and giddy grin, his whole being brimming with the same delight and excitement that Ugetsu felt through the text he sent him two days ago.

And there was even a tinge of pink in his cheeks, his green eyes bright with pure elation.

He took a deep breath, then he finally dropped the bomb.

“Ugetsu, I’m getting married.”

With those four words that came from Akihiko’s mouth, Ugetsu felt his whole world violently screeched to a halt.

He couldn’t hear anything else besides those four words. He just stared at Akihiko and watch his mouth move as he enthusiastically explained what must have been the proposal he planned and how Haruki agreed to marry him, maybe with tears in his eyes as he nodded, choking out the single word ‘yes’ and Akihiko rising up to hug him after he put the ring on his finger.

Akihiko kept talking but the sound of his voice was muffled in Ugetsu’s ear, only the four words he spoke were repeated in his head like some kind of broken tape record.

Again.

_“Ugetsu, I’m getting married.”_

And again.

_“Ugetsu, I’m getting married.”_

And again.

_“Ugetsu, I’m getting married.”_

A cup fell on the floor and shattered into pieces, making Ugetsu return to the reality, hearing everything in its clear and unmuffled state.

He swallowed before forcing out a smile on his face which felt more like a grimace, “Congratulations, Aki.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m happy for you.” He really was, even after the 8 years that passed since their painful break-up, Ugetsu was nothing but happy for Akihiko and the life he had found and built anew.

It didn’t mean that it hurt less.

“That really means a lot. Also, Ugetsu, can I ask a favor?” Akihiko said, piercing green eyes boring through his.

“What is it?”

“Can you be my best man? Since you’re still my best friend, even after all that has happened before. It would make sense that it would be you.”

Ugetsu didn’t even think twice, no matter how much his heart protested in his chest at his decision, he nodded, “Of course.”

Akihiko grinned, and it made the ache in Ugetsu twist deeper and deeper until he had half a mind to clutch his chest and rip his heart out to make the pain go away, “Thank you, Ugetsu.”

“No problem, Aki.”

Ugetsu watched as the smile bloomed beautifully on Akihiko’s face, just like how the sakura trees bloom during the peak season of spring, the pink petals flowing through the air creating a blanket of freshness and new beginnings.

“Hey, play the violin in my wedding reception.” Akihiko requested.

Ugetsu just snorted before taking a sip from his mocha latte once again, “You’re going to have to pay me for that, Aki.”

*****

When he gets home, he immediately rifled through the pile of violin sheet music he keeps in a box, searching for one particular piece to play.

Once he found it, he scanned it once and took the violin out, and then he started to play.

*****

It became the piece he played for the violin concerto held a month later.

Ugetsu stands in a hall full of people, their eyes never leaving his perfect and elegant form, their ears trained to listen to every note that he plays.

A standing ovation was in order when he finished and Ugetsu bowed, the painful ache in his chest screaming louder than the applause of the crowd.

But despite the number of eyes looking at him, no one ever saw the pain brewing within.

Despite the number of ears intently listening to his song, no one ever heard the cries for help.

In a room full of people, Murata Ugetsu was the star, but they didn’t know that stars are long dead and what they see is only the shell that was left behind.

*****

It was three weeks before the wedding when he ran into Haruki on the way home from another violin concerto practice with his pianist.

It was a minute of awkward staring, after all they haven’t really interacted much out of pleasantries after Ugetsu and Akihiko broke up.

Then Haruki asked if he wanted to grab some coffee. Ugetsu nodded without second thoughts and they went to the nearest coffee shop in the area.

“Congratulations. On your engagement.” Ugetsu said breaking the silence that ensued after the waitress took their orders.

“Oh, thank you. Does the suit fit you well?” Haruki asked.

“It does. You two have lovely wedding arrangements. I’m looking forward to everything on the day itself.”

Haruki just looked at him while Ugetsu cleared his throat before drinking from his cup.

“Murata-san.”

“Please, call me Ugetsu.”

“Ugetsu-san. I know this may be hard for you, but I’m really thankful that you’re going.” Haruki said with all the sincerity he has in his body and as Ugetsu looked and observed the man in front of him, eyes gentle as he regarded Ugetsu with his amber brown orbs, he can see how Akihiko loved him and how he loved Akihiko.

How they’re perfect and so _in love_ with each other.

“It’s not a problem. I want to be there for Akihiko on the happiest day of his life. We’re still friends after all.” Ugetsu replied, then he bit his lip in thought, staring down at his muddled reflection on the liquid inside his cup.

“Haruki-san.” He looked up to meet his eyes, “Can I ask a favor?”

*****

The day of the wedding came sooner.

It was just a small and intimate gathering with only their families and their closest friends present. A garden-themed spring wedding held in April when the cherry blossoms are in full bloom.

It made the view quite exhilarating and dare he say it, more romantic.

Ugetsu stood by Akihiko’s side, watching as the rites flew by without delay, hearing the vows they made, to promise to stay by each other’s side in sickness and in health and to love each other until death, all sealed with a tearful kiss.

Ugetsu stood by his side, and watched in silence as the man he loved to death himself promised forever with a man whose existence never made him suffer.

And it’s okay, Ugetsu thought to himself as he saw the pure adoration that swims through Akihiko’s green eyes as he looked at Haruki.

_It’s okay._

*****

Akihiko was surprised when after the meal and the speech of his parents, Mafuyu, Uenoyama and Yatake, Ugetsu pulled out his violin from his case and went to stand by the long table where the newly-weds together with their families and best men sat.

“I thought you weren’t going to play!” Akihiko exclaimed.

Ugetsu just chuckled, “Consider it a gift and my speech as well. The next time I play for you, I’m going to have to charge you with my talent fee.”

The crowd laughed while Akihiko just shook his head fondly.

Ugetsu assumed the position of holding a violin, his poise elegant and stance relaxed. Then he nodded at the pianist as a signal to start.

The light sounds produced from the keys of the piano being pressed filled the room. Then he took a deep breath and followed suit to the music as he started to play his violin.

It was the same piece he performed for the violin concerto he attended a month after he heard about Akihiko and Haruki getting married.

It was the same piece that Ugetsu played every night in the sound-proofed basement of the home he once shared with Akihiko, every night ever since they broke up for the last and final time. When goodbyes were said and Akihiko finally, finally gave up on him and let him go.

Each note tears at his heart, each melody the sound of his pain.

Ugetsu lives with his emotions on his sleeve, each and every one of them amplified by the music he plays.

Still no one understands, but he wishes someone would. Even just a little.

Tonight as he played his ode to Akihiko for the last time, he bared all of himself, all the pain, the sadness, the grief, the acceptance and most of all the love he would always hold in his heart towards the only man he ever felt strongly to.

Tonight, he doesn’t need everyone to understand.

He only needs Akihiko and that’s enough. That’s more than enough.

_“Haruki-san,” He looked up to meet his eyes, “Can I ask you a favor?” _

_“Please take care of him for me.” _

_Haruki looked shocked at his request. _

_“I know it must be selfish of me, but that’s all I ask of you. I love Aki, I will always do, until death. But I can never be with him. What happened before was good while it lasted, but sooner or later I knew it would end.” _

_“I can never let him go back then, so I decided to keep on pushing him away and just wait for him to give up on me.” _

_“It was inevitable, for us to drift apart, I knew it but I refused to accept it until it finally slapped me in the face.” _

_“Saying goodbye was the hardest part, but if it would make him stop hurting and make him happy, then I’d do it for him.” _

_“I’m really glad that it’s you, Haruki-san, that Akihiko fell in love with.” _

The music enveloped everyone in the room as all eyes stared in awe at the raw talent standing in front of them. Brimming with so much emotions that the notes that flow from his violin brought tears to everyone’s eyes.

The pain of letting go, the sorrow of being alone and keeping the grief hidden away from prying eyes, the relief of acceptance.

At that moment Murata Ugetsu was a manifestation of all the emotions churning inside of him, everything out in the open for everyone to see and hear.

_I love him._

_I want to be with him._

_But I can’t. _

_Because I’m in love with music and his presence is the very cage which conceals my freedom. _

_I love him._

_Bye-bye Akihiko. _

*****

Haruki just watched as Ugetsu played, understanding the meaning he wanted to convey through his music.

And by the look in Akihiko’s eyes as he stared at Ugetsu, he knew Akihiko understood, too.

This is Murata Ugetsu in his rawest and most vulnerable form.

He was glad he got to talk to Ugetsu during that time in the coffee shop, and he knew how much it might have been a struggle for him to go through every part of the ceremony, trying to keep and reign in the pain continuously clawing at his heart.

Haruki felt for him, and admired the strength he has even as he barely holds himself together, refusing to let the cracks show.

Haruki listens as the notes fade away, sees the way Ugetsu wiped at the tears that escaped and flowed down his cheeks.

“Congratulations to the newly-weds, and I wish you a long, happy and love-filled marriage.” Ugetsu said, each word overflowing with heartfelt sincerity and selflessness.

Then he turns around and leaves.

*****

When Ugetsu reached his car, he placed his violin case at the back and leaned his forehead against the wheel, unable to keep the tears at bay anymore as they continuously spilled down his face.

He was alone in his pain, alone with only the sound of his pain-filled sobs ripped from his chest filling the stifling space of his car.

Then the passenger door opened, and he turned his head slightly to see Mafuyu enter and close the door behind him.

Mafuyu looked at him and offered his hand, which Ugetsu took gratefully, squeezing as tears and sobs racked his body.

He felt Mafuyu’s thumb caressing the skin of his knuckles, and he remembers all those days when the younger would seek him out and ask for advice back when he was just starting to write music.

When the younger would listen to the stories he speaks of, to the memories of fonder days and the grief of painful years.

And he knew that he understood. More than anyone else, Mafuyu understood.

_It’s okay._ Mafuyu’s song told him once.

And Ugetsu realizes that really, _it’s okay. _

_Even if Akihiko never comes back again, even if Akihiko drifts further and further away from him, it’s okay. As long as he still has music with him, then surely he can go anywhere. _

This is the end of his suffering and the start of a new beginning.

Murata Ugetsu would always love Kaji Akihiko, even until death, but after the song he played, he knew that right now he could fully let go of him and the strings that held them together.

** _For the last time, I love you and goodbye, Akihiko. _ **

At long last he could breathe again.


End file.
